Tough Love Recap

You might remember a while back that I wrote about Tough Love Day 1. It was my first attempt at trying to get my sweet little man to take a nap alone. You might also recall never seeing a post titled Tough Love Day 2. I will tell you that Tough Love sucks. I am terrible at it and I'm pretty sure that is why it doesn't work. I can't say that I haven't had any success with naptime because I have but nights like tonight are challenging. Milan is out of town and so it's been all Mama all day.

Eli really struggles with sleep. Whether he is on me, in my bed, or in his own bed he struggles with falling asleep and then he struggles to stay asleep. I know it is related to his reflux and the fact that his digestive system is developing slowly which then means trouble in the pooping department of course! I have read books and had plenty of advice from other moms on the subject of sleep but NOTHING works. At least not consistently. Every night is a mystery. Milan calls it a crap shoot. You may have noticed that I post very few pictures of myself on here. That is because I am tired and look it. The bags under my eyes are too depressing to share with the public. The worst part is I can't sleep during the day. Trust me, I try. It doesn't work. Heck, I should be sleeping now. Tried. Can't. Ugh! Anyway, enough complaining about me back to Eli. This poor little guy screams his head off the minute his eyes pop open. Those screams turn into coughing and choking on spit. His hair is soaking wet from the tears. How on earth am I suppose to let him sit there and cry it out? There is just no way. I feel terrible for him.

Here is the good news of the day. After three rounds of falling asleep, crying, falling asleep, crying, he is finally in a deep sleep (I hope!). My fingers are crossed that he'll rest peacefully until he his hungry again. My house is a complete disaster. There are toys that I call contraptions everywhere. There is dog hair everywhere. There is clean laundry crumpled up in the laundry basket. There are clean but wet towels sitting in the washer waiting to be dried. The bathrooms have layers of dirt. The kitchen is about the only semiclean spot in the house because neither of us can stand a cootie kitchen. Just like I said I should be sleeping right now I should also be cleaning right now. Somehow it just doesn't sound appealing. I am entering the I don't care zone. I haven't put on makeup in a number of days, I wear exercise clothes all day and a baseball hat to hide my undone hair. I eat at the kitchen counter during the day and rarely do I taste what I am eating because I am eating it so fast. Did I mention I am hungry all the time? I mean all the time. What is that all about? At least I am walking everyday. I even took 2 walks today for an hour each time. Eli loves to stroll. You really wouldn't believe the grocery bills for us. Milan obviously eats like a guy and I just eat all day long. I eat the exact same things at almost the exact same time everyday. I wonder if this is becoming some strange obsession with me? Milan says I am going to turn into an apple.

Just for the record, I love being home with Eli. I wouldn't trade my life for anything. But it is only natural for me to complain, right? It is not easy being home with a baby. It is a lot of work and it is tiring. I hate saying that aloud because it makes me feel guilty but I am tired. I am homesick too. I need a Grandma to come over and babysit. I need a friend to hang out with. I need a housekeeper to get this place back in order. I am so lucky I have the type of husband I have. He never ever complains about the house and he never ever asks the question that gets a lot of husbands killed, ya know, this question... "what did you do all day?"

Whew... I feel better now that I have vented. Maybe now I can get some sleep. I am trying very hard not to fall into the role of the housewife who pretends life is perfect and wonderful all day everyday and I am also trying not to fall into the role of the housewife who complains constantly and is totally miserable.

Balance is good.

Maybe it is time to "pump and dump" as Christy would say. I think it's time this Mama finally has a drink! A Southern Comfort and 7 Up has been calling my name for a while now.